Saturday, May 5, 2012

Rosy Cruton Manifesto

The Order of the Hog D was founded by the great mage Arnold Ziffel.  Our order, the Order of the Hog D/EIO, is the only direct decendant of this original Order of the Hog D.  We also hold linages to any other important order every formed.  We collect linages like some people collect baseball cards.  We should be seen as the source of all swiney things.

The Porkey doctrine teaches everything has to poop.  But that's not all folks.  It also teaches that everything must eat.  Therefore, everything is equal.  This is the universal truth, we are all food.

The Hog D/EIO holds that all caterpillars are tasty treats and should be eaten with reverence.  We should all strive to make caterpillars more than a meal.  They should be eaten in a soup with rosy crutons and a fine wine.  This is the heart of the Rosy Cruton Manifesto.

The Hog D/EIO strives to keep everything we do a secret, so that it is easier to lure new people in with new BS.  Also, people love learning secrets.  So it devalues our order when our secrets are made public.

The Hog D/EIO does not claim to be the exclusive order teaching Arnold's methods.  But we are the only one that got it right, and the only one to be direct decendents.  And we reserve the right to defend our teachings by harassing anyone that posts information that contridicts ours.

We recently came back into contact with the Turd Order of the Rosy Cruton.  This order validates all our claims and gives us new teachings.  This is the same Turd Order that helped Arnold found the original.  To prove this we have their word that it is true, plus they gave us new secret stuff.

We want to extend our hand to any order that wants to become one of our satelite orders.  You will have to swear a loyalty oath to me and agree to be ruled by me from now on.  Together we will take over the world.

Claim your rightful place amoung us - as an Adept of the Rosy Cruton.